Topics in this digest:
1.1. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: goldengyrl_4life
1.2. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Janet Kilpatrick
1.3. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Pearson, John
1.4. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Brenda S.
1.5. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Judy Walker
1.6. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Brenda S.
1.7. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Sheila Derrwaldt
1.8. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Karen Cortez
1.9. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Sheila Derrwaldt
1.10. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Sheila Derrwaldt
1.11. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Dorothy M. Rosa Durkee
1.12. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Dorothy M. Rosa Durkee
1.13. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Janet Kilpatrick
1.14. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Brenda S.
1.15. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Sheila Derrwaldt
1.16. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Pearson, John
1.17. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: TheAgora81@aol.com
1.18. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Norma . Walczak
1.19. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: mommy
1.20. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
From: Josie Chapaconner
Messages
________________________________________________________________________
1.1. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "goldengyrl_4life" goldengyrl_4life@yahoo.com goldengyrl_4life
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 3:57 am ((PDT))
--- In afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com, "Victoria" <afterwls@...> wrote:
>
> in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
>
> -Vic
> group founder
>
> --- In afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@> wrote:
> >
> > I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> > Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
> >
> > John Pearson
>
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.2. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Janet Kilpatrick" pinkie1153@yahoo.com pinkie1153
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 6:37 am ((PDT))
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
________________________________
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.3. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Pearson, John" john.pearson@hp.com jp_unwinders
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:20 am ((PDT))
Thanks for the response Vic and Janet. I don't believe it's that bad yet and she isn't ignoring me or anything like that. She just wants to go all the time when she was the one in the past that was like why don't we ever just stay home some time.
Where we live they have free poker tournaments just about every night at different bars one game at 7 and one game at 10. If I would let her she would go to everyone of them. The game at 10 doesn't get over till sometimes 1 in the morning. She is also drinking a lot more than she ever has and that is really concerning to me.
I feel as though if I keep nagging her she is not going to stay around forever.
Janet,
What is your husband doing that you can't take much more of?
JP
________________________________
From: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com [mailto:afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Janet Kilpatrick
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 8:37 AM
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
________________________________
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol.com<mailto:afterwls%40aol.com>>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com<mailto:afterweightlosssurgery%40yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.4. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Brenda S." cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com cherokee_bren_324
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 7:56 am ((PDT))
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
________________________________
From: Janet Kilpatrick <pinkie1153@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.5. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Judy Walker" walkerjudy60@yahoo.com walkerjudy60
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:09 am ((PDT))
I have been married 35 yrs, 32 at the time of my RNY. My marrage is still good but the sex is better because of my self confidence. My husbend has allways been supportive and told me that I am beautiful.. Judy W
________________________________
From: Brenda S. <cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:55:12 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick <pinkie1153@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.6. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Brenda S." cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com cherokee_bren_324
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:35 am ((PDT))
Thank you Judy! It is good to know that not all marriages end after WLS.
________________________________
From: Judy Walker <walkerjudy60@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 11:09:31 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
I have been married 35 yrs, 32 at the time of my RNY. My marrage is still good but the sex is better because of my self confidence. My husbend has allways been supportive and told me that I am beautiful.. Judy W
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Brenda S. <cherokee_bren_ 324@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:55:12 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick <pinkie1153@ yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal..
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.7. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Sheila Derrwaldt" sderrwaldt@yahoo.com sderrwaldt
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:05 am ((PDT))
Vic,
That's too bad that your marriage didn't succeed after your surgery. Your changes were simply too much for your husband and you were so right in not staying with an abusive and angry mate. My husband is already a fitness person, both by exercising and eating right and has always been nicely supportive. I am very lucky.
Good luck in your new life with your new personna.
Sheila
________________________________
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 11:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year..
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.8. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Karen Cortez" kikae1@comcast.net kikae1
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:08 am ((PDT))
Hello,
I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. We are still going like we always have. He is concerned about my weight because I have gained so much back, but, other than that there is no real problems. I will tell you what my surgeon told us at the meeting. If you have a good marriage it can get better, if you have a bad marriage it will probably get worse. If you figure some men think of a fat spouse as SAFE then you understand. Also the new attention from other men or women can make the current partner feel very insecure and it is hard sometimes to make them understand that it is just what it is and if you are truly happy then it will not hurt the relationship.
Karen Cortez
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brenda S." <cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:55:12 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
________________________________
From: Janet Kilpatrick < pinkie1153@yahoo.com >
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.9. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Sheila Derrwaldt" sderrwaldt@yahoo.com sderrwaldt
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:09 am ((PDT))
Janet,
Will your husband consider counseling? If he really loves you and not just his eating partner, he should want to be supportive and get healthy himself. Remember how threatening it felt to be around thin, healthy people? Well, if he is overweight, he might feel very threatened. Hey, tell him that men lose weight much faster than women do, so if he wants to get in shape, it shouldn't be all that hard!
Good luck. :)
Sheila
________________________________
From: Janet Kilpatrick <pinkie1153@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.10. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Sheila Derrwaldt" sderrwaldt@yahoo.com sderrwaldt
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:11 am ((PDT))
Married 28 yrs and was married 24 at the time of surgery. Life is soooo much better post-op.
________________________________
From: Brenda S. <cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 11:35:40 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Thank you Judy! It is good to know that not all marriages end after WLS.
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Judy Walker <walkerjudy60@ yahoo.com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 11:09:31 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
I have been married 35 yrs, 32 at the time of my RNY. My marrage is still good but the sex is better because of my self confidence. My husbend has allways been supportive and told me that I am beautiful.. Judy W
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Brenda S. <cherokee_bren_ 324@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 7:55:12 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick <pinkie1153@ yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal..
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.11. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Dorothy M. Rosa Durkee" branta@cebridge.net branta_canadensis
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 9:18 am ((PDT))
>Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now.
>It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the
>surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among
>the statistics.
>
>But I just can't take much more.
My heart goes out to you and others in this situation. Part of my
surgeon's required preparation training was a session with an
experienced counselor who didn't mince words about the possible
unintended consequences of WLS in relationships. Fractures would tend
to expand rather than heal, and an already troubled relationship,
they said, might very well collapse.
With a large husband not himself "primed for change" (as they say in
Outward Bound) vis-a-vis his weight, I found that following the
principles of AA and AlAnon was about the most useful approach I
could take -- in fact, about the only thing I could do. This meant
admitting that I was a food addict and dealing with that, and coming
to understand -- and act on -- the fact that I did not create, cannot
control, and shouldn't try to control anyone else's situation (that
last one was the hard part).
As a wise one once said in this forum, "They fix your stomach, not your head."
Dorothy
--
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.12. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Dorothy M. Rosa Durkee" branta@cebridge.net branta_canadensis
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:15 am ((PDT))
>Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married
>and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been
>approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this
>weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather
>be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy
>than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very
>healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
Look, this is my third marriage, so right off the bat I'll have to
admit that my earlier choices may not have (!) been the smartest. But
this third one has survived WLS and is now probably better for it.
It's not perfect, but we work at it. If your marriage is a strong
one, it will probably only get better.
WLS isn't just about the "me" -- it's also very much about the "us."
Dorothy
--
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.13. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Janet Kilpatrick" pinkie1153@yahoo.com pinkie1153
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:05 am ((PDT))
His drinking. He is drinking more and then we start fighting and he throws in my face that I have had a lifestyle change and just because I did and because I am PERFECT (which I am not by far) doesn't mean he is. He supported me through it all until recently and things are getting worse and worse. I have a sister who is an alcholic and has been for over 20 years and I am not going to live through all of that again. He knows how I feel about my sister and about drinking - but he doesn't seem to care anymore. Oh sure there used to be a whole lot of "I'm sorries" at the begginning - and now there is not. He throws it in my face that at least he is at home drinking - that he could be like all the other men in the world and be out at bars with who knows who doing who knows what. Just breaks my heart because I truly love him. I do not love who he becomes when he comes home from work and starts drinking.
And the more he drinks - the more I say things about it - and that seems to give him "an excuse" to drink more.
Janet
________________________________
From: "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@hp.com>
To: "afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com" <afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:20:04 AM
Subject: RE: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Thanks for the response Vic and Janet. I don't believe it's that bad yet and she isn't ignoring me or anything like that. She just wants to go all the time when she was the one in the past that was like why don't we ever just stay home some time.
Where we live they have free poker tournaments just about every night at different bars one game at 7 and one game at 10. If I would let her she would go to everyone of them. The game at 10 doesn't get over till sometimes 1 in the morning. She is also drinking a lot more than she ever has and that is really concerning to me.
I feel as though if I keep nagging her she is not going to stay around forever.
Janet,
What is your husband doing that you can't take much more of?
JP
____________ _________ _________ __
From: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com [mailto:afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com] On Behalf Of Janet Kilpatrick
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 8:37 AM
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com<mailto:afterwls% 40aol.com> >
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com<mailto:afterweight losssurgery% 40yahoogroups. com>
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.14. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Brenda S." cherokee_bren_324@yahoo.com cherokee_bren_324
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:21 am ((PDT))
Thanks to everyone who posted positive things about marriage after the WLS. Makes me feel better to know that there are some people out there who are making it.
________________________________
From: Karen Cortez <kikae1@comcast.net>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 12:08:24 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Hello,
I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. We are still going like we always have. He is concerned about my weight because I have gained so much back, but, other than that there is no real problems. I will tell you what my surgeon told us at the meeting. If you have a good marriage it can get better, if you have a bad marriage it will probably get worse. If you figure some men think of a fat spouse as SAFE then you understand. Also the new attention from other men or women can make the current partner feel very insecure and it is hard sometimes to make them understand that it is just what it is and if you are truly happy then it will not hurt the relationship.
Karen Cortez
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brenda S." <cherokee_bren_ 324@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:55:12 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick < pinkie1153@yahoo. com >
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.15. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Sheila Derrwaldt" sderrwaldt@yahoo.com sderrwaldt
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 11:30 am ((PDT))
Hi Karen,
I agree 100% and I think the doctors and pre-surgerical psychologist told us the same thing. It's very true. I'd like to add that if a large part of someone's relationship is food centered and eating out and things like that, it's going to be rough going for some time because the last thing a post-op wants to do is eat. You want to lose!
Talk it all out in advance if you can.
Sheila
________________________________
From: Karen Cortez <kikae1@comcast.net>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 12:08:24 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Hello,
I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. We are still going like we always have. He is concerned about my weight because I have gained so much back, but, other than that there is no real problems. I will tell you what my surgeon told us at the meeting. If you have a good marriage it can get better, if you have a bad marriage it will probably get worse. If you figure some men think of a fat spouse as SAFE then you understand. Also the new attention from other men or women can make the current partner feel very insecure and it is hard sometimes to make them understand that it is just what it is and if you are truly happy then it will not hurt the relationship.
Karen Cortez
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brenda S." <cherokee_bren_ 324@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:55:12 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick < pinkie1153@yahoo. com >
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.16. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Pearson, John" john.pearson@hp.com jp_unwinders
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:41 pm ((PDT))
So from someone that has had the surgery can you tell me what is different , of course besides being littler, in your life for example are you getting more attention from the guys or more self confidence what is different over all?
John Pearson
From: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com [mailto:afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of Sheila Derrwaldt
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 1:29 PM
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Hi Karen,
I agree 100% and I think the doctors and pre-surgerical psychologist told us the same thing. It's very true. I'd like to add that if a large part of someone's relationship is food centered and eating out and things like that, it's going to be rough going for some time because the last thing a post-op wants to do is eat. You want to lose!
Talk it all out in advance if you can.
Sheila
________________________________
From: Karen Cortez <kikae1@comcast.net<mailto:kikae1%40comcast.net>>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com<mailto:afterweightlosssurgery%40yahoogroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 12:08:24 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
Hello,
I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 years. We are still going like we always have. He is concerned about my weight because I have gained so much back, but, other than that there is no real problems. I will tell you what my surgeon told us at the meeting. If you have a good marriage it can get better, if you have a bad marriage it will probably get worse. If you figure some men think of a fat spouse as SAFE then you understand. Also the new attention from other men or women can make the current partner feel very insecure and it is hard sometimes to make them understand that it is just what it is and if you are truly happy then it will not hurt the relationship.
Karen Cortez
----- Original Message -----
From: "Brenda S." <cherokee_bren_ 324@yahoo. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 10:55:12 AM GMT -05:00 US/Canada Eastern
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Is there anyone out there that has had success with staying married and improving their marriage after surgery? I have just been approved for surgery and will be celebrating my 1st anniversary this weekend. All this talk is very discouraging to me! I would rather be overweight with the love of my life because we are very happy than to be at a much lower weight and be miserable. I am very healthy other than my weight so I guess I am on the fence right now!
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Janet Kilpatrick < pinkie1153@yahoo. com >
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Wednesday, June 17, 2009 9:37:09 AM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
Gosh, that sounds so much like what I am going through right now. It just makes me want to cry. I told my husband when I got the surgery (and I truly meant it) that we were not going to be among the stastitics.
But I just can't take much more.
Janet
____________ _________ _________ __
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol. com>
To: afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 10:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help! !
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.17. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "TheAgora81@aol.com" TheAgora81@aol.com theagora81
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:02 pm ((PDT))
John,
Its about being yourself again, having yourself back, your real self not
some fatty self that you hate, but the real skin and bones you. Seeing
yourself come back into a regular wardrobe (I just went from a 22 to an 18 in pants
and 3x to a 1x in shirts) I want to be my regular self again after 26 years
of who was that?
To not tire when walking or standing even. To jump again, run again, bike
again. ( I bike again but not run or jump yet) To be with someone and know
that you look nice enough and feel wonderful about yourself once more.
Its a second chance at life and I wanted it. I hope that I get there, all
the way down to 110 lbs. Hope so! I know it will be tough because its tough
even at 3 mos out.
The doctors say that it takes a type A person to have this op. I am not
much for rollercoasters but I do miss scuba diving. LOL.
peace lee
So from someone that has had the surgery can you tell me what is different
, of course besides being littler, in your life for example are you getting
more attention from the guys or more self confidence what is different over
all?
John Pearson
**************Dell Days of Deals! June 15-24 - A New Deal Everyday!
(http://pr.atwola.com/promoclk/100126575x1222865043x1201494942/aol?redir=http:%2F%2F
ad.doubleclick.net%2Fclk%3B215692145%3B38015538%3Bh)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.18. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Norma . Walczak" izzscruff2@yahoo.com izzscruff2
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 4:15 pm ((PDT))
I have not had a chance to reply till now. Don't want my husband around while I am writings. I did not know that he had a drinking problem before we were married and it did not come out for the first few years, but after the surgery, the demon came out. He drinks every night, and I have learned to stay away from him even if it means to go to bed early. He is verbally abusive and even throws things and bangs doors. He has not touched me in over 2 years. My self esteem is rock bottom, but then I look at guys that I work with or have to interact with that try to talk to me and tell me that I am pretty. I have talked with our pastor who already knew we were at the end. She has tried to talk to us and every time he sits and cries like a baby which is his self defense to get the problem off of him. She caught on quickly to that stupid action. We no longer talk, he sits and smokes his cigarettes, drinks coffee in the morning then comes the booze. He has gained
120# and tells everyone why he is fat is that I force him to eat. Yes I cook meals, but he would rather have ice cream sundae, bananna splits, baked goods or greasy hamburgers that he gets while at work.
Ok enough ranting. I guess that our marriage was never as strong as I thought it was, no one's fault, but know that I am not happy and need to get out soon for my own sanity.
Norma
--- On Wed, 6/17/09, goldengyrl_4life <goldengyrl_4life@yahoo.com> wrote:
From: goldengyrl_4life <goldengyrl_4life@yahoo.com>
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 5:56 AM
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Victoria" <afterwls@.. .> wrote:
>
> in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
>
> -Vic
> group founder
>
> --- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ > wrote:
> >
> > I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> > Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
> >
> > John Pearson
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.19. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "mommy" taximommyto9@yahoo.com taximommyto9
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 5:16 pm ((PDT))
I believe that is is not just a person with type A personality. I believe that we are brave, because there are so many things that could go wrong. And once you have the surgery.. you have people eating snacks in front of you.. like at my house. We are brave because we are following the rules!
You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him. -James D. Miles-
--- On Wed, 6/17/09, TheAgora81@aol.com <TheAgora81@aol.com> wrote:
From: TheAgora81@aol.com <TheAgora81@aol.com>
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Date: Wednesday, June 17, 2009, 6:01 PM
John,
Its about being yourself again, having yourself back, your real self not
some fatty self that you hate, but the real skin and bones you. Seeing
yourself come back into a regular wardrobe (I just went from a 22 to an 18 in pants
and 3x to a 1x in shirts) I want to be my regular self again after 26 years
of who was that?
To not tire when walking or standing even. To jump again, run again, bike
again. ( I bike again but not run or jump yet) To be with someone and know
that you look nice enough and feel wonderful about yourself once more.
Its a second chance at life and I wanted it. I hope that I get there, all
the way down to 110 lbs. Hope so! I know it will be tough because its tough
even at 3 mos out.
The doctors say that it takes a type A person to have this op. I am not
much for rollercoasters but I do miss scuba diving. LOL.
peace lee
So from someone that has had the surgery can you tell me what is different
, of course besides being littler, in your life for example are you getting
more attention from the guys or more self confidence what is different over
all?
John Pearson
************ **Dell Days of Deals! June 15-24 - A New Deal Everyday!
(http://pr.atwola. com/promoclk/ 100126575x122286 5043x1201494942/ aol?redir= http:%2F% 2F
ad.doubleclick. net%2Fclk% 3B215692145% 3B38015538% 3Bh)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
________________________________________________________________________
1.20. Re: falling back into old habits...help!!
Posted by: "Josie Chapaconner" edenscage@yahoo.com edenscage
Date: Wed Jun 17, 2009 5:54 pm ((PDT))
so to here that Vic I'm sure your better off with out him.
________________________________
From: Victoria <afterwls@aol.com>
To: afterweightlosssurgery@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 16, 2009 8:09:19 PM
Subject: Re: [After Weight Loss Surgery] falling back into old habits...help!!
in my experience, I became a 'born again healthy person'. My ex-spouse was not interested in exercising, or losing any weight. He wanted the status quo to remain the same, that is, a nice 'safe' wife who didn't rock the lifestyle boat. When I lost weight and started dressing in a stylish, if not sexy manner, he protested by being verbally abusive and avoiding me, when he wasn't trying to sabotage my diet. He started drinking more (he already had a drinking problem). In short, he couldn't deal with the new me, and we grew apart, and finally, I gave up and left (but not until after 24 marriage counselling sessions).
-Vic
group founder
--- In afterweightlosssurg ery@yahoogroups. com, "Pearson, John" <john.pearson@ ...> wrote:
>
> I am having issues in my marriage as well. My wife had the surgery in July of last year.
> Could you elaborate on "putting a strain on my marriage" what problems are you having if I'm not getting to personal.
>
> John Pearson
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Messages in this topic (28)
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